You need to broaden your search. True giftedness is marked with extraordinary sensitivity and tremendous intensity and just to survive means a huge act of compromise and courage. There are many examples of exceptionally gifted women who lived out their intensity, creativity and passion directed toward God in eternity, including St. And if the growth is big enough or in the opposite direction enough from what the other partner is doing then it becomes less and less likely that they will find the way back to common ground. The urgent need is to develop the ability to resolve conflicts without resorting to war.
They just couldn't understand, keep up, or seem to care. Another clear, concise, informative post, Gail. While we gifted folks do have our challenges, we are also well equipped to find solutions to those challenges and to keep trying until we find something that works.
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We both take interest in each other's likes. Yes by the time we realize what is going wrong the life is over. Anonymous, It sounds like you are really struggling.
Why is dating difficult for highly gifted people (1)
All of this can lead to patterns that create problems in adult relationships. My perfectionist standards at work, fear of failure and not understanding why I was so complex led to many years of panic attacks and self loathing. While I do love his calm energy, it bothers me a bit that he doesn't really seem to understand who I am as a person.
But, good a lately my thoughts keep going back to why am I married. They are not comfortable with any posturing or have they ability to see things as they are. And sometimes you don't even know how unhappy you are until you see or feel something else that you believe will make you happier. You sound like a great person.
Gifted adults have trouble finding friends and relationships
Relationships can be a challenge for exceptional people
Feedspot Top 10 Gifted Ed Blog
- Talents, smarts and intellectual precociousness is just a very narrow view of the gifted and it may vary in its depth.
- But chances are that you get disappointed rather quickly.
- Gifted adults have trouble finding friends and romantic partners who have similar depth, complexity, sensitivity, and interests because these individuals are harder to find.
- How the Gifted Brain Learns, D.
- Like Celi, I'll be forwarding this one onto my husband.
From what you say here, there's no reason for me to even try to have a relationship with someone else because of my gifted issues so I may as well not even bother trying. As ever alone, gifted and alone! And this will not happen without a basic change in the nature of human beings. Some individual know this already intellectually but to bring about a change in the being and relating presents huge challenges. So please don't discount therapy completely just because of some unfortunate experiences.
Thank you, this was very helpful. If we try to discuss with friends without this trait it can end in frustration. So I don't take your advice and I think you should think about what you share before you spread your opinions. Many of us who grew up gifted found ourselves in an atmosphere where we were only valued for our abilities, free im dating sites rather than our inherent worth as human beings.
Downtown Calgary Psychologist
It hinders me greatly when communicating with others especially in personal relationships. She was the receptionist and was in her early sixties. Hopefully your partner will use this information to enhance his understanding of you rather than to use it in a divisive manner.
Gifted adults who are retired not only read more than those who are still in the work force, they are also frequently more informed about world events and can be fascinating to talk to. Are gifted adults prone to workplace burnout? One possible take away from this story, if you are gifted, is that you can look for intellectual peers in non-traditional places where gifted adults are likely to congregate. If you are into the Law of Attraction, best free christian dating websites you have to draw the other one into your field of energy. What is missing is that real connection.
We have to learn to open up again. Most of the highly gifted people are very loyal, want honesty and feeling equal to one another. It is helping me to understand why I have been single all my life and why relationships seem so difficult for me. However I quickly realized how shallow and obvious the lessons are.
Often people enter partnerships believing that these types of behaviors should not be tolerated and we create hard lines and walk away from imperfections more easily. And I continually meet intense gifted women and men who have had multiple marriages and unsatisfactory relationships. If a gifted partner grows at a different rate or in a different direction, it is most likely going to create stress. The best and most stable relationships are born out of friendship.
And i stumbled upon this gifted option. Having an explanation helps put things in perspective. We need to find a way to meet. We all want something perfect, but in order for romantic success it appears that we have to be satisfied with imperfections, which is difficult for many gifted people to be happy with.
But it got me thinking afterwards. Anonymous, Of course, top 5 dating sites in not everything listed fits for everyone. The gifted see and perceive the world in a different way. Our existential depression is not clinical depression. Theresa Benedicta of the Cross a.
Once you can wrap your mind around the concept of gifted, it can be a huge advantage to dealing with the many and varied complexities. It is encouraging to know that things I have struggled with are part of being gifted, not just that something is wrong with me -which I have felt like my whole life. Members of the astronomy club tended to buy their own telescopes rather than building them from scratch. This is something we do not bring up in normal relationships and friendships so that we can survive and cope in the normal world.
- Something we don't learn that well in our society.
- But what I want to point out is that being interested in the other ones world is a choice.
- When gifted couples, or individuals, seek therapy we are often faced with therapist that are not gifted and do not understand the dynamic giftedness.
And who is to say how happy they are, or how long it will be before they too are on to another relationship. It would be very interesting to study divorces and the correlation with intelligence. Someone more in touch with their interests and their needs may come along, or perhaps they will just need the space and yearn for a life without needing to constantly justify their interests. Even though a lot of people seem to like strength and confidence in the other person, they don't like the fact that the strong one needs them to be strong too. It is well known that there are so few therapists who are able to give appropriate guidance to a gifted person.
Your reframing of adult relationships through the gifted lens is very insightful. You're right that we enjoy being engaged and having things to ponder but I am just concerned that giftedness will create a barrier between us. Life as a gifted person can be intense and full of ups and downs related to social and emotional responses that are deep and moving experiences.
Lori, Thank you for sharing. He is a wonderful husband and very supportive. Like in any field, we may not find the best attorney, mechanic, dentist, electrician, etc. For many of us, the main interaction between our giftedness and our capacity to be in a relationship has to do with the wounds we are recovering from.
It sounds like you learned a lot from your parents, and are continuing to contribute to your relationships. Stating challenges in context of helping others understand is hardly insulting or demeaning in any sense. Those are controlling behaviors. The experiences that build people also sometimes build them away from those who are growing beside them.
Incredible and eye opening. Another personality issue that may come up in gifted adult relationships is the issue of novelty. If I slow down, dumb it down so my partener can keep up and relate I am living a lie, an empty existance, devoid of real communication any thought any life. They are unable to see the bigger picture, that we are all in this fish tank together called earth and its amazingly structured and balanced but frail atmosphere. The only way I had to ward off my dad's criticism, ridicule, and rage, was never to make any mistakes.
Why is dating so difficult for highly gifted people? Not something that is common in the field of superficial dating. Your posts are always so validating and helpful!